I'm so ugly with my glasses on.
Not much better without.
My smile's out of wack.
My hair never goes right.
I'm fat. Overweight that is.
Not enough exercise to burn off the shit i put my body through.
And i wonder why people leave?
I just want to retreat inside my world, where i make my own rules and what you look like doesn't matter. I've got a soul of transparency; i'm not malicious or evil or wrong. Misunderstood maybe.
I just want people to see me as i do?
I want to sing my heart out and no one will listen.
I want to scream every last word of every last song i love.
I want to take a lead in a show, i want to write one, i want to create something.
Instead of being stuck with an overactive imagination that can concieve these ideas, but they never get there.
I want to be gone.
Just exist inside memories; so one day someone might turn round and say 'where did she go?'
Be nothing more than a coloured blur in a crowded room in the back of someones mind.
I'm going to war.
Thursday, 24 November 2011
I'll hand you the sharpest one to place it right in my back...
The times your itunes just understands...
Nothing but heavy today.
It's just one of those days i guess...
The day before the shit that is my birthday.
Give.Fuck.A.Not.
Nothing but heavy today.
It's just one of those days i guess...
The day before the shit that is my birthday.
Give.Fuck.A.Not.
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
I was there but you couldn't see me...
FOR FUCK SAKES.
I do not understand you anymore!
It wasn't so long ago that you would do nothing but text me about the stupidest shit, just to talk to me, any excuse to see me, any excuse to hang out and talk.
Now it's like trying to get a reaction from a wall. No a wall has more reaction, at least it dents, crumbles or shake if you hit it. You're nothing now, just a void where you use to be.
I tried so hard, i know i'm not the easiest person to get close to but it's been fucking obvious i want to talk to you!
You said you used to care about me. I think you were lying, i really do, cause no one you care about would you let get so far away from you. I used to get so scared when you got distant, now it's like that's the only you i can talk to. I just want to know what's going on, you want me to be in your life supposedly but you never make the effort unless i do, that's not how a friendship works... It's going to kill me to see you when i get back, because at least here i can escape your eyes, your smell and all those memories, i can listen to your music and not get as sad as i am right now, i mean fucking hell, i'm crying over my laptop, WHY IS IT ONLY YOU THAT CAN MAKE ME CRY LIKE THIS?! Why aren't you here to wipe them away like you did? Why aren't you here with me... Why aren't you here anymore?
I just want you to be happy, and i thought i made you happy. Everything's broken now... i won't be able to see Pete without seeing you, or being reminded of you.
I just miss the little things. I just miss you, and who i could be around you.
You were the only thing good about me.
I've got nothing left to try for now. Except now i don't want to come back to Thanet; ever.
I can see what's happening; i'm not stupid. It's the same situation i got at 15; being replaced by the one better than me, the prettier one, the nicer one, the one you 'truly' love. I should've learnt not to compete. It feel like everything you've said is lies; you said you'd never go back to her...
I leave for less than a month and everyone breaks their promises and starts to forget me. The same way Joe forgot that we were supposed to be 'best-friends-forever', the same way Jordan forgot we were supposed to be 'never-torn-apart-, the same way everyone forgets i'm petrified of everything inside.
But i'm not going to give you the satisfaction of any more tears. I fell for you. And now i'm going to make you wish you'd kept me closer, cause you haven't seen anything yet.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
I do not understand you anymore!
It wasn't so long ago that you would do nothing but text me about the stupidest shit, just to talk to me, any excuse to see me, any excuse to hang out and talk.
Now it's like trying to get a reaction from a wall. No a wall has more reaction, at least it dents, crumbles or shake if you hit it. You're nothing now, just a void where you use to be.
I tried so hard, i know i'm not the easiest person to get close to but it's been fucking obvious i want to talk to you!
You said you used to care about me. I think you were lying, i really do, cause no one you care about would you let get so far away from you. I used to get so scared when you got distant, now it's like that's the only you i can talk to. I just want to know what's going on, you want me to be in your life supposedly but you never make the effort unless i do, that's not how a friendship works... It's going to kill me to see you when i get back, because at least here i can escape your eyes, your smell and all those memories, i can listen to your music and not get as sad as i am right now, i mean fucking hell, i'm crying over my laptop, WHY IS IT ONLY YOU THAT CAN MAKE ME CRY LIKE THIS?! Why aren't you here to wipe them away like you did? Why aren't you here with me... Why aren't you here anymore?
I just want you to be happy, and i thought i made you happy. Everything's broken now... i won't be able to see Pete without seeing you, or being reminded of you.
I just miss the little things. I just miss you, and who i could be around you.
You were the only thing good about me.
I've got nothing left to try for now. Except now i don't want to come back to Thanet; ever.
I can see what's happening; i'm not stupid. It's the same situation i got at 15; being replaced by the one better than me, the prettier one, the nicer one, the one you 'truly' love. I should've learnt not to compete. It feel like everything you've said is lies; you said you'd never go back to her...
I leave for less than a month and everyone breaks their promises and starts to forget me. The same way Joe forgot that we were supposed to be 'best-friends-forever', the same way Jordan forgot we were supposed to be 'never-torn-apart-, the same way everyone forgets i'm petrified of everything inside.
But i'm not going to give you the satisfaction of any more tears. I fell for you. And now i'm going to make you wish you'd kept me closer, cause you haven't seen anything yet.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
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