And i'm getting rather peeved with people who've promised that, then gone back on their word.
1. We used to spend every waking moment of every day texting, usually about nonsense, but the fact remained it was all day everyday. We used to laugh at ourselves when we hung out, because we'd both keep checking our phones, because we're so used to having texts from each other, even though we were together! We were so inseperable, i guess you could say we ousted the third member of our trio rather quickly... we were like brother and sister and even more, i could tell you anything, i trusted you explicitly, as you did me: when you were afraid to sleep, it was me that held you until you did, when i was on a downer, it was only you that could bring me up again. But now... i barely get acknowledged when i see you, i have to visit your parents to find out how you are (you have no idea how much time i've spent worrying over you being so seriously ill) and now i'm hearing from people that i've been in your bad books in the last few months. I don't know how true or exactly what's been said, but it stung me right to my soul. I know you've got your new girlfriend, and your new set of friends, but it wasn't so long ago i was known as '----'s Anna', it wasn't so long ago we finished every text with 'love you x'.No one calls you by the name i know you as anymore. Maybe that says something...
2. I may not remember exactly what was said, but our first conversation has always stuck in my mind: the fact i trusted you so instantly i was able to sit their holding your hand for goodness knows how long while you listened to me ramble. You kind of bubbled into my life out of no where, exactly when i needed someone like you: yet i don't think it was one sided, as i was forever hearing at your parties 'Oh so you're Anna, ----'s told us about you!' The amount of time we've spent playing truth or truth and i have never are countless, the crazy, silly things we've done, we were like two puzzle pieces, it just worked. I never told you i loved you back enough. Now you're happy with her, and that makes me happy to my very core. But i miss being able to message you at anytime and know you'll reply as soon as you can. Seeing your present just sitting in my bedroom since February has totally eaten away at me. I don't know if i know you anymore...
3. We met when i was so young, and you never really left my life after that. Our little gang at yours... they were some of the best times, simply because no one had to act. You were the closest thing to big brother i think i'm ever going to have: i knew you'd never let me down. I ran out of my house at goodness knows what time just to se you when everything fell apart: my threat still has that person avoiding me at all costs. I stodd up for you, as you did for me. Now trying to get anything from you is more difficult than living without a heart or oxygen. It's like you've forgotten everything...
4. It wasn't so long ago that you said if i was going to play cupid for you, i needed to shoot myself. We've been there for each other through break ups and crazy nights. My loyalty to you is fiercer than anything i know; i've defended you more times recently than i can count, simply because i've known you for so long. We used to randomly chat about nothing, do random things like cake fights and bowling trips... Not anymore though. I've tried, but i guess you've got newer, better friends.
5. This isn;t just one person, more of a group. I know i'm partially to blame for this, i should've made more of an effort: but why didn't you guys? Some of you i've known for a long time, others not so much, but i've always done everything i can for you. I miss having the girly moments with you all, and the mammoth bitching sessions, as well as the in depth heart to hearts. I know i kinda pushed myself from the group, but now it feels like i'm the enemy. I'm sorry i didn't have the money to come to see you guys as much as you wanted... wish i'd saved up a bit more often now. I wish you'd just tell me straight if i've upset any of you, and what i can do to fix it. I don't want to spend my last couple of months worried about what i could've done to upset people i'll still call my best friends...
One thing i've noticed, is i become surplus to requirements when people get in a relationship - so often the need for a 'girl best friend' disappears. But for me, you weren't just my 'guy best friend', because i have a lot of those. You were part of my family, part of making me exactly who i am today. Maybe i should've tried harder, i can see when i should have, but we're all human. I wish i could step inside my memories so i could hug you that little bit tighter, for a littler bit longer and make you promise one more time that you'll never leave me. And now you've left, i'm just hoping you'll never forget me...
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