There's a look in your eyes, and it's screaming goodbye...

Again, a blog post sparked by a conversation with a friend: bottling things up.
Uh oh, tricky subject, because, i don't let people in.
This could be difficult.

I think this tendency is a self taught one - when you're a young child, you tell everyone everything, you don't really have secrets, and if you do, they're generally known by your group of friends which consist of about 30 people.  But slowly your shown that people can't be trusted - they'll tell more people, use them to get at you or simply pick on you using these secrets as ammunition.  So you start thinking maybe you shouldn't tell people things.  You're also told that you're too innocent and naive - you don't know anything about life.  I think telling children this is a big mistake, because they are often more perceptive than given credit for.  Our society often doesn't listen to its children either: so why bother talking if no one's going to listen?  Now i'm not going to blame society or bad parenting for what is, essentially, a personal choice.  But it helps to understand why people may view bottling up their feelings as preferable to expressing them.

Another thing i've noticed, is it depends on what kind of friend you are, what kind of person you are.  Some people do like to tell people when they're down, where as others will go to extreme lengths to hide it.  Or thereare some, like me, who start to think about opening up, but when asked, i close up again.  Now i can only speak for myself but here's my reasoning behind it:

My friends are my world, and more often than not, at least one of them has something major going on in their lives.  Such is the nature of having a group of friends.  Now i don't want to add to the stress or drama by suddenly going 'That's all well and good but i want to tell you my feelings'.  So i hold off waiting for a calmer time, maybe sharing some more superficial troubles on the way.  But for me, things don't get calmer.  I think i've learnt to prefer it that way, because then i don't have to stop and take stock of things.  I bottle up my emotions so i can be a strong friend, a rock for people to rely on.

Some people may see it as a form of attention seeking, but i seriously don't like talking about me and my problems: yeah i'll ramble about altercations with the bf, or some girls who's getting on my tits.  But they don't really bother me.  It's just easier that way.